How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
