I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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