And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
