Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
