I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
