Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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