I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
