new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
