Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just invented taco cereal.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
