Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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