You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
