Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
