I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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