I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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