do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
