How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
