P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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