you would pick up someone in the library
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
