I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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