The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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