So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
