o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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