FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
