her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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