Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
