So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
