Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
