I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
