the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
