Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
