I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
