cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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