I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
