why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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