im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
