She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
