there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
