I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
