All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's never too late to be topless.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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