i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
