So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
