I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
