i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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