He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
