This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
