Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
