oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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