In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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