I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
