we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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