it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
