Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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