I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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